Well it's OFFICIAL! He couldn't FACE me so I FINALLY got him to tell me on the PHONE that he's DONE! He said he didn't want to be on the "RIDE" with me anymore and the doesn't want to be with ME anymore! I guess that's WHY he wouldn't return any of my calls! Boy it don't take much for ME to git a HINT huh?! Well, what did those song lyrics I wrote say?! TIME FOR ME TO FLY?! Ya know after 12 years and TWO kids together it's just a little HARDER for ME to throw in the towel I guess! And he tells me this on the 12th anniversary of my mothers DEATH! As if I didn't feel BAD enough! Whether it's another woman or not...he says it's NOT...but I guess that's not MY concern anymore huh?! He says that we're just poison together. I guess that we ARE. But we DID have some really great times together the past few weeks I must say. We're STILL gonna go to counseling though so we can try and be CIVIL with eachother! That's what's best for the kids. We STILL have some things to discuss. Now if I could just git this SICK feelin outta the pit of my stomach! And to think, I was startin to feel better! HA! This feels just like it did when I got DIVORCE papers! The pain is still just as DEEP! But the sun will STILL rise in the mornin. Speakin of which...my landlord came by today, he wants to bring some people in tomorrow mornin to look at the house! That SUCKS!!! I don't usually git off work til 5am and he wants to come at 11am! I'm gonna be a zombie! But whatever. The house is relatively clean....but I've been doin some packin so they have to deal with a little mess! I HAVE to finish gittin this house packed. Looks like I'm doin it all alone! But what ELSE is new?! No BIGGIE! I can do it! I just have to get well! COMPLETELY well. Mentally AND physically! Apparantly he's been tellin everyone that we're gittin divorced still cuz that's the way he's been FEELIN the WHOLE time we've SUPPOSEDLY been "workin things out"! Wish I would have been informed! I asked him if he wanted to go to Starved Rock Sunday cuz the kids wanted us to go and that's when he informs me that he didn't want to do anything with ME! He says he's DONE! Why the fuck can't I be done too?!! I WANT to be done! But my heart is BREAKING!!! So here we go...this roller coaster of EMOTION!!! I HATE that! My life has been in pieces for YEARS though....so NOW it's time to HEAL! Pick myself up, lick the wounds and carry on my wayward son. There'll be PEACE when you are done! Lay yer weary head to rest...don't ya cry no more! That's one of my favorite songs from Kansas that just popped in my head. That happens often in case you couldn't tell! Okay...so I'm gonna go throw up now...I've gotta pull myself together before work tonight. I'll drink, dance, and SING away my pain! Take care and I'll see ya'll tonight!
I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!
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