Will someone just PLEASE shoot me and put me outta my dang MISERY!!!??? I can't STAND this FEELING I'm havin ANYMORE!!! My throat won't stop hurtin, my eyes won't stop waterin, my head won't stop hurtin!!! Ahhhhhhh!!! I haven't gotten ANY help from ASSHEAD cuz he's bein a little BITCH and boohoo is MAD at me or somethin! He HATES bein called out on his "ways" and now he's takin it out on not only ME but the kids! He STILL hasn't returned ANY of my calls even when I told him the kids want to see him! So I told him if THIS was the GAME he wants to play then I can't let the kids go stay with him cuz I WON'T let them go somewhere where I don't have comunication! Am I wrong? So there MAY not be Karaoke this weekend cuz I'm gonna have to stay home with them! BESIDES that I STILL feel like DEATH is knockin on my door! I hope these antibiotics that I found in the closet work! Uhhh...are 2 year old antibiotics still good??? They've GOT to be better than NOTHIN right? Well, I went to see our counselor today. Just goin out for an HOUR bout KILLED me! She really didn't tell me anything I didn't ALREADY know. But she REALLY wants me to go see that psychiatrist and git on depression medication! I told her I was AFFRAID! And when she asked what I was affraid of, I couldn't tell her! Maybe feelin NORMAL! I don't KNOW! What IS normal? I've been in this Paul induced FUNK for so many years I don't know HOW I'm suppose to feel! All I DO know is I'm NOT suppose to feel like THIS! So as soon as I got home today I called this other doctor and made an appointment for next week to go see her. I think once I git settled in this new house I should START to feel better. I need help movin so anyone with a truck or STRENGTH that would be willin to help would be very much appreciated! Maybe I'll start askin around and I'll git a "moving party" together! It's time I stand on my OWN...but there are just SOME things I CAN'T physically do for myself. Uhhhh....like move the refridgerator!!! LOL! Gawd that would be GREAT if I COULD though huh?!! So once AGAIN I'm callin all FRIENDS to come to my rescue! I've been enlightened on why I've been so drained of energy and what kind of effects my diet pills have been havin on my body. It's not like I didn't already KNOW this kinda stuff...but I'm puttin it in perspective now! I found I'm a "Paulaholic" LOL...Okay...that's what I call it...and I've got to git over THAT as well as DEAL with EVERYTHING else that's goin on in my life! So TODAY is the FIRST day of the REST of my life!!! Even though I feel like DOG DOODY!!! I'm tellin ya...if I don't feel better in the next couple of days...I'm checkin myself into tha dang hospital cuz this AIN'T normal! Usually when yer sick it lasts like 2 maybe 3 days at the MOST...but this has gone on for 5 days now! SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!! AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Well...my head's startin to spin and throb again, so I'm gonna take my nyquil and go lay down and wait to die! LOL....that's not EVEN funny I know...but that's kinda the way I'm feelin! Maybe I'll try to give Rachie a call again. I can't seem to git ahold of HER either and SHE"S not returnin my calls! WHY WON'T ANYONE RETURN MY DAMN CALLS???!!!! Wwwwwahhhhhhhaaaaaaaaahhhaaaa! Nothin like feelin TOTALLY alone! Okay...I'll write more tomorrow....HOPEFULLY....cuz that's what the doctor ordered me to do wether I FEEL like it or NOT! So if anyone knows any good HOME remedies to git me back on my feet...lemme know...VOODOO...Sellin my soul to tha devil...ANYTHING...I'll DO it to feel NORMAL (well as normal as I CAN feel) again! Take care and PUT A CURSE ON ALERGIES!!!!
I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!
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