SHUT UP AND SING!!!

SOMEBODY JUST SHOOT ME!!!!

Will someone just PLEASE shoot me and put me outta my dang MISERY!!!???  I can't STAND this FEELING I'm havin ANYMORE!!!  My throat won't stop hurtin, my eyes won't stop waterin, my head won't stop hurtin!!!  Ahhhhhhh!!!  I haven't gotten ANY help from ASSHEAD cuz he's bein a little BITCH and boohoo is MAD at me or somethin!  He HATES bein called out on his "ways" and now he's takin it out on not only ME but the kids!  He STILL hasn't returned ANY of my calls even when I told him the kids want to see him!  So I told him if THIS was the GAME he wants to play then I can't let the kids go stay with him cuz I WON'T let them go somewhere where I don't have comunication!  Am I wrong?  So there MAY not be Karaoke this weekend cuz I'm gonna have to stay home with them!  BESIDES that I STILL feel like DEATH is knockin on my door!  I hope these antibiotics that I found in the closet work!  Uhhh...are 2 year old antibiotics still good???  They've GOT to be better than NOTHIN right?  Well, I went to see our counselor today.  Just goin out for an HOUR bout KILLED me!  She really didn't tell me anything I didn't ALREADY know.  But she REALLY wants me to go see that psychiatrist and git on depression medication!  I told her I was AFFRAID!  And when she asked what I was affraid of, I couldn't tell her!  Maybe feelin NORMAL!  I don't KNOW!  What IS normal?  I've been in this Paul induced FUNK for so many years I don't know HOW I'm suppose to feel!  All I DO know is I'm NOT suppose to feel like THIS!  So as soon as I got home today I called this other doctor and made an appointment for next week to go see her.  I think once I git settled in this new house I should START to feel better.  I need help movin so anyone with a truck or STRENGTH that would be willin to help would be very much appreciated!  Maybe I'll start askin around and I'll git a "moving party" together!  It's time I stand on my OWN...but there are just SOME things I CAN'T physically do for myself.  Uhhhh....like move the refridgerator!!!  LOL!  Gawd that would be GREAT if I COULD though huh?!!  So once AGAIN I'm callin all FRIENDS to come to my rescue!  I've been enlightened on why I've been so drained of energy and what kind of effects my diet pills have been havin on my body.  It's not like I didn't already KNOW this kinda stuff...but I'm puttin it in perspective now!  I found I'm a "Paulaholic"  LOL...Okay...that's what I call it...and I've got to git over THAT as well as DEAL with EVERYTHING else that's goin on in my life!  So TODAY is the FIRST day of the REST of my life!!!  Even though I feel like DOG DOODY!!!  I'm tellin ya...if I don't feel better in the next couple of days...I'm checkin myself into tha dang hospital cuz this AIN'T normal!  Usually when yer sick it lasts like 2 maybe 3 days at the MOST...but this has gone on for 5 days now!  SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!!  AHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!  Well...my head's startin to spin and throb again, so I'm gonna take my nyquil and go lay down and wait to die!  LOL....that's not EVEN funny I know...but that's kinda the way I'm feelin!  Maybe I'll try to give Rachie a call again.  I can't seem to git ahold of HER either and SHE"S not returnin my calls!  WHY WON'T ANYONE RETURN MY DAMN CALLS???!!!!  Wwwwwahhhhhhhaaaaaaaaahhhaaaa!  Nothin like feelin TOTALLY alone!  Okay...I'll write more tomorrow....HOPEFULLY....cuz that's what the doctor ordered me to do wether I FEEL like it or NOT!  So if anyone knows any good HOME remedies to git me back on my feet...lemme know...VOODOO...Sellin my soul to tha devil...ANYTHING...I'll DO it to feel NORMAL (well as normal as I CAN feel) again!  Take care and PUT A CURSE ON ALERGIES!!!!

I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!

TIME FOR ME TO FLY!!!!

Well I've always SAID this was my "theme" song...but NOW I'm gonna LIVE by my theme song!  It's bad enough that "HE" ignors ME and blows ME off and shit...but when it takes all I have to text him and tell him that the kids wanna see him (they've been askin for him for 2 damn days now!!!) and he STILL blows the KIDS off...well...THAT'S when I had my epiphany!!!  I KNOW he's been workin long hours...but he's STILL got time to go out almost NIGHTLY and spend time with the SKANK and talk to HER on the phone INSTEAD of me and the kids when he is SUPPOSE to be workin things out with ME!!!  Well...I've come to the conclusion that there's NO hope for him to git over his drinkin problem NOW he's gonna hang out with the town drunk AND whore all rolled in a big FAT TUMOROUS SKANK!!!  So he can HAVE that....but as for ME....IT"S TIME FOR ME TO FLY!!!!

I've been around for you, I've been up and down for you, but I just can't git any relief!  I've swallowed my pride for you, I've lived and LIED for you, but you still make me feel like a thief!  You got me stealin yer love away cuz you NEVER give it.  Peelin the years away and we can't relieve it.  I make you laugh, and you make me CRY...I believe it's TIME FOR ME TO FLY!

You said we WORK IT OUT!  You said that you had no doubt.  That deep down we were really in love!  Oh but I'm tired of HOLDIN on to a feelin I KNOW is GONE!  I do believe that I've had ENOUGH!!!  I've had enough of the FALSENESS of a worn out relation. Enough of the JEALOUSY and the INTOLERATION!  Well I make you laugh, and you make me CRY...I BELIEVE IT'S TIME FOR ME TO FLY!!!

TIME FOR ME TO FLY!!  Oh I've got to set myself FREE!  Time for me to fly...And that's just how it's GOT to be!!!  I know it hurts to say goodbye..BUT IT'S TIME FOR ME TO FLY!!!

That's one of my FAVORITE songs by Reo Speedwagon!  I guess it says it ALL huh?!  I've been SO damn sick for the past 4 days, I thought I was gonna DIE!!!  I had some bills to pay so I've had like $10 to my  name this WHOLE week!  I haven't even been able to go git my anitbiotics the doctor perscribed!  Most of the time I've even been too sick to go to the store anyway.  I run there on the minute that I'm not dizzy and coughin my head off!  But it's just been to git milk and stuff for the kids!  I feel so bad cuz they've been out of school and all I can seem to do is sleep!  It just seems when I'm awake my throat and head hurts so bad I can't stand it!  My alergies are really kickin in too...so my eyes are FILLED with this goopy stuff and when I wake up they're glued shut and it takes me 10 minutes to pick all the crust off of them!  I've NEVER had this kinda alergy problem EVER!!!!  I just want my throat to stop hurtin and to stop feelin so dizzy!  I NEED my medicine!  Ahhhhhh!!  This guy came by tonight to git his drum set (that I should have sold months ago) cuz they've been in my garage for over 2 years now...but he owed us money and I thought if I gave him his stuff back I could git that money so I could git my medicine.  But apparantly not everything was there and I could tell he was pissed.  When I asked him if he had that money of course he said NO and then proceeded to tell me that if he didn't git his cymbals back that he was gonna git his GOON after Paul!  What a nice guy huh?!  I just hope his goon throws a kick or two in there for me too!!!  HA!!!  Naw...I'm just kiddin!  Sorta!  Well I'll never hear from HIM again anyway!  But I sure coulda used that money!  What PISSES me off is he had the NERVE to be PISSED off that his cymbals were gone!  He's fuckin LUCKY we still kept ANY of his shitty drums!  We were gonna give them to one of Matts friends...but we figured that would be WRONG!!  So we drug the stoopid things around with us for the past 2 years!  STORAGE would have cost more than the $120 he OWED us!  So YER WELCOME BOB!!!  (NO not the BOOB we all know and love) but a dude I use to bowl with!  What a DICK!!!  Well at least I don't have to worry about his shit anymore and I won't ever have to see or talk to him again!  No LOSS there!!!  He just REALLY needs to leave Paul alone too!  But I guess I'm not gonna worry about "HIM" anymore!  So that's been MY wonderful SICKLY week!  How has YERS been goin?  It's gonna git HOT this weekend!  Hopefully I'll feel better...I wanna go to the LAKE this weekend and PARTY!!!!  Let's all make PLANS!!!  I'll write more later. I have my counseling session tomorrow.  I think I'm gonna tell her I don't think there's any USE in us comin anymore since "he's" not even gonna TRY!  So WHY BOTHER?!!  Ya'll take care...come out and see me this weekend!

I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!

BABY NATHAN IS HERE!!!!

Well Turd and George FINALLY had their baby!!!  She's been preggars for like a year and a HALF or somethin!!!  LOL!!!  His name is Nathan Joe...I HOPE that middle name is right!  If not I appologize and I'll correct it!  Apparantly BABY George ain't NONE too happy about this new addition to his family!!!  But that's normal though...he's use to gittin ALL the attention and now havin to share it just SUCKS!!!  I know tha feelin buddy!!  LOL!!!  I got a chance to cuddle that tiny little baby over the weekend!  There's nothin better than fallin asleep with a sweet little baby in yer arms!!!  Turd took some really cute pictures!  Thanks Turd!  I sent them to Manda! 

Now I wanna know who got me SICK???!!  Man, I felt so CRAPPY today that I actually went to the doctor!!!  I've got some sorta sinus infection!  So I don't think it's contagious to all of you who were kissin me Saturday night!  LOL!  I actually think I got sick AFTER work Saturday while I was sittin in the COLD with some friends watchin the sun come up!  So why am I the ONLY one who got sick?!!  LOL!  I'm actually feelin okay for the moment...I took some Nyquil (I actually meant to take DAYquil) so that I wouldn't fall asleep AGAIN (that's ALL I've done today besides goin to tha doctor), so as soon as that kicks in...I'm outta here!  Or I'll just pass out on my computer!  LOL!  DANG my throat hurts!!!  whaaaaaaaaaaa!!!  Sure wish I had someone to come take care of me!  That's one of my favorite things is to be taken care of when I'm sick!  My sweet son made me some hot tea!  But he's mad at me cuz I won't let him go to his friends house cuz he failed some classes in school! > {  That makes me MAD!!!  Oh well...he's gonna have to take Summer School now!  Will someone come cook dinner for me and my kids?  LOL!!!  I think we'll have grilled cheeze and tomato soup...I think I can mustar that!  That was ONE of Paulys good qualities...he always took care of me when I got sick!  But I took care of HIM as well!  Oh...I got a place to live!!!  Thanks to Donny...he saved my butt AGAIN!!!  He told me about his lawyer that had a house that he was rentin and then he put a good word in for me!  THANKS DONNY!!!  I know that sometimes people don't want to rent to a single mom with three BOYS cuz needless to say...boys ain't always so easy on a house!  Don't git me wrong...my boys destroy their toys...but luckily they didn't pick up Pauls bad habit of throwin stuff and puttin holes in the walls, or kickin in doors!  I'm actually the one who put the whole in the wall at THIS house!!  Opps!!!  I was mad and kinda slammed the bathroom door open...and because there's no stop on the door, the handle went into the wall!  But that's easily fixed!!  Anyway...so Paul SAID he'd pay the deposit and rent for me!  So we'll SEE!  He also said he'd "keep himself only unto THEE"too!!!  I don't know why I git so disappointed when he don't do the things he SAYS he's gonna do!  I've just always had so much RESPECT for him and BELIEF in him!  And still after all that he's done or NOT done...I hate that I STILL git disappointed!!!  But I think I'm slowly gittin over that!  It's gittin to where I'm actually SURPRISED when he does what he says he's gonna do!  He actually came Saturday and picked my van up and took it to git the muffler fixed!  But I just felt like he was tryin to not feel so GUILTY about bein out with a SKANK on Thursday night and blowin ME off!!!  So sentiments like THAT when he's just tryin to ease a guilty mind don't mean a whole lot to me!  But I DO appreciate him fixin my car for me anyway!  Well I guess I'm gonna start datin!  I HATE that we're not gonna git back together...(I found out he's STILL goin around town tellin everyone that we're gittin divorced!!!)  I've just been tellin everyone we're seperated but are tryin to work it out!  But not HIM...he just flat out says...yep we're gittin DIVORCED!But I guess I can EASE my pain by takin some guys up on their offers!  See what's out there.  I'm just not KEEN on the whole STARTIN OVER thing again!  The thing I like MOST about havin this long relationship is that he knows the quirky little things about me!  He can finish my sentences (which sometimes I DON"T like)!  But it's time to git over all that I guess! 

Anyway...SORRY KITTY for not bringin back yer lawnmower!  SORRY JASON!!!  I guess HE'S the one I should appologize to cuz he's the one who needed to use it!  I'll TRY not to borrow that stuff again cuz I OBVIOUSLY can't bring it back as soon as I'm done with it!!!  I don't know WHY!!!!  I actually DID intend on bringin it back that same day that I borrowed it...but then...well I just DIDN'T!!!  I HAVE no excuse!  Just....I'm SORRY!!!  I'll work on that in counseling!!!  LOL!  I'm goin to go now I think cuz I find I'me havin to use the backspace button alot to erase my bad typin....which means that the NYQUIL has KICKED IN!!!!  LOL!!!  I think I'm gonna call Rachie and beg her to come out for awhile...I MISS her and NEED her right now!  No pressure or guilt THERE huh?!!!  LOL!  I'm not the ONLY one who misses her though!  She's got ALOT of fans here in the Windy City!  Hey why wouldn't she?  She's MY sister!!!!  LOL!  And also, I want to thank Lyndsey for callin me Friday to ask if I was okay!  That means ALOT to me to know that people actually CARE!!  Even somethin just as simple as a PHONE CALL gits me all blubbery!!!  I just LOVE Lyndsey!  She's a GREAT person!  Oh hey....if ANYONE sees Garth...tell him to CALL ME!!!  He told me about some concerts that were comin up at the House of Blues and I told him to save me a ticket to a couple of them that I really wanted to see really bad...so I need to know when those concerts are and if I can go with him!!!  COOL BEANS!!!  Oh I'd like to thank everyone for invitin me out after I got off work Saturday night too cuz I was havin a rough night and SURE didn't want to come home to my empty lonely house!  Ya'll made me feel good!  Specially ONE particular person!  tee hee!  Whew....NYQUIL is GOOD!!  I'll write more tomorrow (if I'm feelin better)!  Ya'll take care! 

I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!

BOY AM I A SUCKER!!!

GOD I MUST BE A TOTAL SUCKER!!!  Here I BELIEVED all the CRAP "HE" was feedin me about wantin to make our marriage work and how much he "LOVES" me and blah blah blah!!!  Well I realize that that is NOT the case!  Cuz someone that wants to "work things out" don't DO the things that "Mr. Wonderful" has done the past few weeks!  My counselor says that I need to WRITE as a form of THERAPY so I'm gonna WRITE about all the sordid DETAILS that I didn't mention in my earlier post to be RESPECTFUL of "HIM"!  But NOW I'm lettin it ALL out!  Ya wanna know one of the MAJOR reasons that I had fallen into this depression thing all came about?!  Sure...it's because I'm gonna be homeless in a couple of weeks...and SURE it's because I miss my mom, and the rest of my "so called" FAMILY has abandoned me, and SURE it's because my lawyer wants $3,000 MORE!!!  But on top of ALL that, the one MAIN reason is because I found out about 3 weeks ago (the time I fell into this downward spiral) is because I found out that "he's" been calling and seein this bitch that I totally DISPISE!!!  She's a chick from Mr. T's (the place that I use to do Karaoke at)!  I saw her name in his cell phone.  When I questioned him about it he said he didn't KNOW that I knew her (yea right...the first time he met her a long time ago when I worked there he came up to me and said that she was SCARIN him cuz she was TOTALLY hangin on him (like she does EVERYONE) and when he told her that he was married to ME the BITCH said..."I don't care!!")  He said she was makin him nervous!  We even laughed about the GROWTHS she has on her tits!  ANYWAY!!!  So apparantly they've been talkin on the phone and met for drinks not too long ago!  He SAID it wasn't a DATE...but I ASK  you...if you meet someone at a bar and buy them drinks all night long....THAT'S A FUCKIN DATE!!!  I'm SURE there was kissin involved at the end of the evenin if NOTHIN else cuz she's a TOTAL WHORE!!!  I know this bitch WELL!  So does everyone ELSE and NOONE likes her...except for "HIM" apparantly!  So I've TRIED not to bring the subject up too much cuz GOD FORBID I should ACCUSE him of INFADELITY!!!!  HA!  But he's been comin over the past SEVERAL times smellin of alcohol so I KNOW he's hittin the bars again!  Gee...for someone that is TRYIN to work things out and KNOWS I blame ALCOHOL for our problems and who PROMISED he wasn't gonna drink anymore...it sure don't seem like he gives a SHIT huh?!!!  So anyway...I didn't want to BOTHER him today with anything, but my dryer broke down and I have wet clothes that need to be dried before they mildew.  So I text him a message around 5 or 6 pm and tell him what's up and I need him to take a look at it!  NO RESPONSE!  Then I leave him a voice mail because his phone is obviously turned off!!!  I called SEVERAL more times...NOTHIN!  Oh and by the way...he PROMISED he would come over tonight to wire my muffler up after he got off work anyway so the damn thing don't FALL OFF!!!!  But still NOTHIN!!!  Matt had my cell phone today cuz he needed it while he was out...so around 10 pm he tells me I got a text message earlier.  When I checked it, it was from "HIM" at 3:40 pm.  The text says R U comin to Ottos tonite!!!  Hmmmm...that's funny cuz he says I'M the ONLY one he text messages and gee...I don't know what or WHERE tha hell Ottos IS!  I can't IMAGINE him textin another GUY cuz guys just don't DO that sorta thing with eachother!  And I believe that MY name is right about the SKANKS name!!!  So he spent the ENTIRE night I ASSUME with SKANK ASS CAULIFLOWER TITS at this place called Ottos!  I sent him SEVERAL texes askin what's Ottos?  Then a few more but STILL no response!  Finally around midnight I text him and said well I see where I stand with you so I won't bother you AGAIN!!!  20 minutes later he called me back with this LAME ASS excuse sayin that his car broke down and he had to call a tow truck and LOW AND BEHOLD his cell phone was DEAD on TOP of ALL THAT!!!  Well I have to give him THIS...he's gettin CREATIVE with the STORY tellin I MUST say!  You would THINK it would git OLD to lie ALL the time!  That just seems so exhausting to me to have to come up with all these different stories constantly!  He said he didn't listen to all my messages (even though there was only one) and he was SURE they weren't PLEASANT or at LEAST me being DISAPOINTED!  I said "yea...to say tha LEAST!"  He said he was sorry and he'd make it up to me!  (Gawd...that's the story of our lives!!!)  I told him not to worry about it and GLEEfuLLY he said..."okay then I WON'T!!!"  Boy it didn't take much persuain on THAT did it?!!!  So while I sit home TRYIN to do things that I NEED to git done, I git the JOY of KNOWIN that he's with another CHICK!  A SKANK ASS CHICK!!!  You HAVE to understand...since that FIRST night that he met her and told me what she did and said...even though I've been cool around her everytime I've seen her...I've just been WAITIN for a REASON to KICK HER LILLY ASS!!!!  I HATE THIS BITCH!!!  He just can't seem to hit on or KISS bitches that I don't KNOW!!!!  NOOOO!!!!  That would be too EASY!!!  He has to go for people that CLAIM to be my FRIENDS or bitches that I absolutely DISPISE!!!  Well ENOUGH'S ENOUGH already!!!!  I can't TAKE this ABUSE anymore!!!!  I PRAY to God EVERYNIGHT to make me stop lovin him.  But God don't seem to answer MY prayers anymore!  But EACH time he comes over smellin of booze or I find out he's been doin shit with WHORES that he shouldn't be doin...a little bit of love dies!  So I'm thinkin it ain't gonna be MUCH longer now til it's COMPLETELY GONE!!!  I have my OWN demons and problems to work out without worryin what WHORE he's fuckin NOW!!!  I just can't do it anymore!  It's OBVIOUS he either CAN'T or isn't WILLIN to change for the sake of our marriage so I have NO other choice but to GIVE UP!!!  You can only beat a dead horse for so long before you realize that it's DEAD!!!  Am I right?!!!  So NOW my NEW life has begun!  I MUST move forward WITHOUT the hope of him bein a part of my future!  I can make PLANS now to do things that I WANT to do and not wonder if he'll be a part of them!  I guess maybe I'll still go to counseling so I can at least learn how to DEAL with him.  But I truely don't see us EVER gittin back together again unless a MIRACLE happens!  And BELIEVE me....with HIM...that's totally UNLIKEYLY!!!  He's JUST like his father....he does WHAT he wants...WHEN he wants...and FUCK how it hurts the people that really CARE for him!  His dad DIED by that rule!  So I'm gonna TRY (even though it won't be easy and I'm SURE I'll FALL a few times) to go on about my life WITHOUT worryin about "HIM"!  If someone could give me a few suggestions...I would GREATLY appreciate it!  Maybe I should finally go out with the guy that's been ASKIN for quite some time!  That would probably HELP I'm SURE!  To be treated the way I DESERVE to be treated would be WONDERFUL for me right now!  I think I'll consider THAT option! = }  If ANYTHING, it'll boost my EGO!!!  LOL!!!  Well that's all I have to write about for NOW...once AGAIN it's like 4:30 in the a.m. cuz I couldn't sleep AGAIN!!!  GOD I HATE that!!!  I was really TIRED tonight too before "he" fucked me up!  He MUST be PROUD!  Well it WON'T happen again!!!  At LEAST not over HIM!!!  I'm DONE!!!  Take care and come see me tonight at Trickys!!!

I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM!!!  I MISS YOU SO MUCH IT HURTS!!!

You know...no matter HOW old you are you ALWAYS need and want yer MOM!!!  My mom has been gone for 12 years now and I think it's harder on me NOW than it ever HAS been!  I've got so much goin bad in my life right now that I guess I've just been thinkin about her more than usual! Mom would have NEVER abandoned me like the REST of my family has!  She would at LEAST have CALLED and made sure I'm okay through these bad times in my life.  But does any of my other SO CALLED family?  Nooooo...they're too busy with their OWN wonderful lives!  I know that I said that I've disowned them in a previous blog...but ya know...sometimes ya just gotta VENT and I didn't think they would DISOWN me that quick.  Guess it don't really matter though.  I've still got my FREINDS that I've adopted as my family! 

Well...sorry I haven't posted in so long.  There's been so much goin on in my life I've kinda slipped off into this depression and I just haven't felt like writing!  SORRY!!!  I'll try my best to fill ya in on what's been goin on in the last few weeks since I've last written.  Well, I FINALLY had to call the doctor MYSELF and DEMAND the results of that ultrasound that I had done a long time ago.  They found 3 large fibroids and the first thing he said he wanted to do was REMOVE my uterous!  THEY WANT TO GIVE ME A HISTARECTOMY!!!!  THAT kinda FREAKED me out!  To say tha LEAST!!!!  So THAT kinda sent me into this panic state of mind!  I mean I'm a little PSYCHO as it is....I hear havin THAT done makes ya go a little mental on it's own...even WITHOUT havin yer ovaries removed!  Although he didn't say anything about that...I still didn't want to have that surgery!  So I went in to talk to him about what needed to be done and I waited and waited...30 minutes later I find out that he wasn't even in the dang BUILDING!!!!  Now I understand that he got caught up in surgery and was runnin LATE!!!!  But BESIDES myself sittin there waitin for him there were TWO other women WAITING as well!!!!  So almost 45 minutes AFTER I was scheduled...he STILL wasn't there.  Kitty was kind enough to go with me so I wouldn't have to be ALONE, and the baby was gittin restless.  I think I was more restless than the baby actually!!!  They brought me in to take my blood pressure (which is ALWAYS normal) but this day my blood pressure was high!  Gee I wonder WHY???!!!  THAT'S when they tell me that the doctor wasn't in yet!  WTF???  They couldn't have given me the consideration of a call and lettin me know that he was runnin late and give me the OPTION to reschedule???!!!  Well I guess NOT since they don't even give me the consideration of callin me to let me know they found somethin WRONG with my freakin ULTRASOUND!!!  So I was a little PISSY to say the least...so I left without seein the doctor!!!  You know, that just PISSES me off when doctors do that!!!  They think that it's OKAY for them to schedule 3 or 4 people at the SAME time cuz we can just WAIT!!!  They think OUR time isn't as IMPORTANT as THEIRS!!!  Well I'm SICK of doctors doin this!  Our time IS just as valuable as THEIRS!!!!  We all need to PROTEST these asshead doctors that do this to us!!!!  So anyway...I'm lookin for a NEW Guynecologist for a second opinion...so if anyone knows a good one that doesn't make you WAIT for an hour to be seen...lemme know!  Of all the things that I've read it says that a hysterectomy is the LAST option that you should choose!  Well this was the FIRST thing he mentioned!  I think there was somethin that he was either NOT tellin me or tryin to HIDE!  This doctor (which I didn't know when I made my first appointment with) helped my LAST doctor perform a procedure on me three years ago, and THAT procedure is WHY I have these fibroids to begin with!!!  I then found out that this NEW doctor had talked to my OLD doctor about my results of the ultrasound (s'cuse me...doesn't that violate my CONFIDENTIALITY)???  Anyway...I just have a feelin somethin is SKETTCHY about the whole thing and would like another OPINION!!!  I HATE DOCTORS!!!

I went campin a couple weeks ago with Kitty and Capri and their families!  It was TONS of fun!!!  We went floatin down the mighty MISSISSIP!!!  LOL!!!  I just like sayin that!!!  THAT was SO much fun!  The campground wasn't the BEST....and they said we wouldn't ever go back there again...but I HOPE we CAN cuz I REALLY liked the floatin thing!!!  I caught a BEAUTIFUL BASS too!!!  Okay...it was a WALLEYE....but it's just not funny if I don't quote the line from Napoleaon Dynamite (one of my favorite movies)!  But I guess it wouldn't be funny to ANY of YOU who haven't SEEN Napoleaon Dynamite!!!  But for those of you who HAVE....yer laughin yer butts off right?!!!  LMAO!!!!  So now you ALL have to go out...rent Napolean Dynamite and think of ME when he uses the BEAUTIFUL BASS line!!!  And yes...I only caught ONE dang fish...but my momma taught me to NEVER throw NOTHIN back...so I wrapped it up and brought that puppy home!!!!  It's in my freezer!  One of these days I'll thaw it...clean it...and fry it up in a pan!!!!  Did ya'll KNOW they had TEETH???  LOTS OF TEETH???!!!! SHARP TEETH???!!!  It was like this comedy act you'd see on TV watchin me try to git this dang hook outta this things mouth!!  Usually I just stick my thumb in it mouth to hold on to it and then remove the hook...but this thing had freakin TEETH!!!!!  So now...here I am with this FLOPPIN fish tryin to git some kinda hold on it all the while bein attacked by a dang WASP!!!!  So I'm SHOOIN this wasp away with the fish and SLAPPIN myself in the face with the FISH!!!!  CUSSIN the ENTIRE time as people just wakin up and walkin to the bathroom are laughin at me!!!  I personally DID NOT think this was AT ALL funny!!!!  It's not pleasant slappin yerself in tha face with a dang slimmy FISH!!!  My line was all tangled around me...then I bought fell down the dang hill AND I broke my SHOE!!!!   So when you look at the picture of me holdin this freakin TOOTHY fish with ONE SHOE in my hand...you know the story behind it!!!!  AND on top of ALL that...there was this water snake that kept swimmin up that I would have to shoo away too!  I was up on hill a little ways from the water so I don't think he was a threat to ME...I just didn't want him to git the FISH I had just worked so hard to TIE UP!!!  So needless to say...it wasn't the most PLEASANT fishin expodition I've ever been on...but that's USUALLY how my fishin experiences ARE!!!  But all in all...it was a GREAT campin trip and I can't wait to go campin AGAIN!!!  We need to git a big GROUP to go and camp!  That would be GREAT FUN!!!

So I've been goin to counselin with Pauly.  Things were goin good until the other night!  He's kinda turned into a bit of a mammas boy since he's been livin at home and it's gittin to me!  But I think it's kinda gittin to HIM as well!  He's been goin to the bars again after work on SEVERAL occasions and THAT'S really botherin me!  That's how he seems to deal with his problems!  We haven't been to counseling enough to really WORK out our problems and neither of us has changed enough for us to git back together!  We went to counselin last night and learned some NEW techniques on ways to FIGHT properly!  I just don't know if EITHER of us can use these new ways of doin things.  I TRIED on the way home last night.  Not to FIGHT...just to tell him how I was feelin about his relationship with his MOM and how I felt JEALOUS of that relationship!  I had told him about that the night BEFORE...but we had gotten into a MAJOR fight and he didn't really HEAR what I had to say cause he was too ANGRY over the STOOPID MEAN things I had said PRIOR to that!  So THAT hurt my feelings that he didn't HEAR me!  But for me to admit to MYSELF let alone HIm and now all of YOU that I'm JEALOUS over his dang MOTHER...really KILLS me!!!  I feel that it's just so STOOPID!!!  I feel that he does more for HER than he does for ME!  I REALIZE that she's his MOTHER for God Sakes...and not to MENTION that she's SICK and NEEDS all the help he can give her!  I just feel so SELFISH!  I'm TRYIN to DEAL with THIS particular issue...that's why I'm tellin all of YOU!  I was told by our counselor last night that I needed to start writing again because that's my THERAPY!!!  Which it really HAS been since this whole seperation thing has happened...and since I haven't written in so long...I've felt myself goin in a downward fall like I'm spinning outta control!  My mind races all the time!  I can't sleep I can't eat.  I'm constantly WORRIED about where I'm gonna live in 3 weeks!  I've been LOOKIN for places to live, but I have NO money, I've tapped all my friends out of their money supply to pay my lawyer, I just feel DEFEATED and HOPELESS!!!!  Paul tells me I should git a JOB!!!  I HAVE a JOB!!!  I make MORE money doin Karaoke two nights a week than I did workin 40 hours a WEEK at my office job!  And I'm there for my kids EVERYDAY when they come home from school!!!  So TELL me that's not what's BEST?!!!  Maybe workin in a BAR for some people aint the BEST thing...but I go to work and come home EVERY night that I work!  Hell I don't even go to BREAKFAST afterwards anymore!  Mainly cuz noone ASKS me to anymore...but STILL!!!  LOL!!!  I come home to a big lonely EMPTY house every night!  It's QUITE depressing I must say!  I never thought I'd MISS comin home to his SNORIN and smelly FEET....but man...sometimes I DO!!!  So I told MOST of this to the counselor last night and know what she did?  She gave me the name of some psychiatrists to git in contact with cuz she thinks I have depression and thinks maybe I should be put on medication!!!  WTF??!!  ME?!!!  LOL!!!  Yea...I know SOME of you have suggested that BEFORE...but what do YA"LL know???!!!  LOL!!!  But then I said...well what about HIM???!!!  All she said to HIM is that he needed to STOP DRINKIN!!!!  DANG!!!  HE needs some PSYCOTHERAPY!!!!  Just cuz I went in all boohooy with some ISSUES...why do I gotta be put on MEDS and not HIM???!!!!  I think I'm bein PICKED ON!!!!  So anyway...I'm gonna call this doctor she referred me to....LOL!!!  Hey...it couldn't HURT I guess!  And I'm NOT havin that surgery EITHER!!!  Paul made a committment last night too that he would help me with the security deposit and rent on a new place!!!  THAT'S a LOAD off my chest!!!  Just him sayin THAT made me feel like there would be LIGHT at the end of the tunnel!!!  So the only THING is that everyone wants so MUCH for a deposit on even an APARTMENT that it's gonna be HARD to come up with that kinda money!  So I'm gonna have to bite tha bullet and talk to my jerk landlord about givin me my deposit back!  Paul paid him this last months rent...so it's not like he's gonna be outta any money...and I haven't wrecked the house...so hopefully (if he wants us out by the first of the month) he'll at least give us SOME of our money back!  I don't know why he's bein so MEAN to me!!!  Okay...he TRIED to blackmail me a few months ago...I think I told ya'll about that...so I took my lease to my lawyers office...who just HAPPENED to be his EXWIFES lawyer!!!  I didn't KNOW that!!!  So he coped an ATTITUDE about THAT!!!  Well I didn't mean any HARM....I was just askin her if it was LEGAL for him to try to raise our RENT...that's when she recognized his name on the lease!!!  See how CARMA comes around to BITE ya in the ass???  Now everytime he calls he always has to try and THREATEN me!!!  He can't just ASK me to do somethin...he always has to put in a THREAT!!!  Like two days ago..he called to tell me I was an ADULT and he shouldn't have to CALL to TELL me to mow my lawn!!!  I calmly explained to him that our mower had broke and was in the shop and we were waitin for it to be fixed!!!  He repeated the I'm an adult comment and then said, "now do I have to git a lawn service out there or are YOU gonna do it???"  WTF???  Didn't I just TELL him I'd DO it when the lawnmower was FIXED???  He don't have to THREATEN me dangit!!!  So I told him It'd be done in a day or two!  But apparantly our mower aint gonna be fixed soon...so I'll have to BORROW one from someone!!!  What a pain in tha ASS!!!  But that's the joys of RENTING I guess!!!  But if he's gonna keep threatnin ME...I've got a little THREAT I'd like to give HIM!!!  I have saved on my voice mail on my phone of him sayin he needed somethin outta the garage, and he was gonna ring my doorbell and if I didn't answer he would just go in the garage and git it himself!!!  Well I was CAMPIN when he made this call...and uhhhh...this is still MY house while I'm payin HIS mortgage on it...right?  He cannot enter these premises without a 24 hour NOTICE and especially when I'm NOT HERE!!  Am I right???  I think I can SUE him for that can't I?  Yes...I believe SO!!!  I just want him to leave me ALONE until I move and give me my deposit back...that's all!!  I don't want no trouble!  I'm REALLY not that hard to git along with!  I've done EVERYTHING he's asked me to do!  I have some things that aren't workin right that I've told him about and he's FAILED to fix!  He just looked at it...scratched his head and said well let me know if it keeps happenin!  Well now I have a bunch of clothes that are ruined cuz they all got wet cuz he didn't fix the problem!!!!  I thought he was gonna be a great landlord when I met him...but boy was I wrong!  I guess he WAS till he tried to play dirty and RAISE my rent and then try to BLACKMAIL me with it!!! 

So enough about THAT!!!  So that's pretty much been what's goin on with me these last few weeks!  I've been ordered by my therapist to keep writin so I'll keep writin on a regular basis and let ya'll know how the house huntin is goin!!!  Pray for a MIRACLE!!!!  I don't want to be HOMELESS in 3 weeks!!!  Take care of yerselves!!!

I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

Pirates Again!!

Yaarrggh! This be Kitty again Pirating Angie's Blog, think she's gonna get mad???  anyway I am REALLY bored and since Angie hasn't posted AND NO ONE HAS LEFT COMMENTS I have nothing new to read, so post some comments and stuff :) anyway just requesting to anyone and everyone in Cyberspace to come out and play this weekend, I won't be out next weekend-Camping Pirate style! and I want company this weekend, and hey bring friends, bring enemies, bring strangers off the street we don't care.

THIS WEATHER IS KILLIN ME!!

OMG!!!!  I KNEW when I found out that it was gonna rain ALL week that by the END of the week I would feel like CRAP because of my allergies...but I didn't know JUST how bad it was gonna be!!!  I didn't write a post on Thursday or Friday because my eyes were swollen SHUT!!!  They were pourin tears and my nose and throat hurt really bad!  Ahhhhhhhh!!!  Friday night (last night) was pretty rough!  I felt okay when I went to work...but then my body started achin and my head is KILLIN me!  I must have took like 15 different allergy and headache pills to make it go away...but NOTHIN!!!  I think my eyeballs are gonna pop outta my dang head!!!  I could barely drive home last night cuz I couldn't hardley see...so when I got home I took MORE allergy medicine but it didn't help so I barely slept cuz my head hurt so bad!  Then when I FINALLY did git to sleep...this freakin TELE MARKETER called like 8 times!!!  I finally answered the phone and told them off and told them to take me off their call list!  DANG!  I HATE that!  So needless to say...I haven't gone back to sleep today!  So I'm sittin here tryin to type this...I'm seeing in like 3's and my head and neck are poundin!  Does ANYONE know any GOOD allergy medication?!  How long is this weather gonna LAST?  Is there a MEDIC in tha house?!!!  LOL!  Okay...so Thursday, I went and had my ultrasound done!  I drank like 900 cups of water (they make ya do that for an ultrasound on yer belly) and when I got there and she tried to do it she said my bladder wasn't full yet and to drink MORE water!!!  NOW my eyeballs AND teeth are FLOATING!!!  She waited about 20 minutes before she continued!  I thought I was gonna pee on her if she didn't HURRY!!!  So she did the ultrasound...she told me that the doctor would have it in like 3 to 4 days!  WTF???  So I should know how it went by the end of the week I hope!  I hate havin to WAIT!  Friday, as I told ya...I felt pretty crappy all day.  But I didn't want to just lay around so I went and got my hair trimmed and bought a cheap pair of really cute fatigue lookin pants.  They're PINK!!!  LOL!  My son Cody bought me two carnations from school for mother's day!  Ain't that SWEET?!  Eric said he bought me one too but left it at school!  Well I guess it's the THOUGHT that counts huh?!  It was a full moon last night and man was it CRAZY!!!  After 2am the "drunkie drunks" as I like to call them came in and like ALWAYS everyone wants to sing RIGHT NOW!!!  But they're gittin SMART!  They started PAYIN me to put them up higher on tha list!  I made like $30 in tips!!!  Woohoo!  I usually make $0!  I pretty much got EVERYONE up to sing...cept one little old lady!  Sorry...but I have NO control over what time they turn on tha lights!  Someone got sick and puked next to tha table right by me!  GROSS!!!  Why do people do that?!  If yer not feelin good...for GOD SAKES...GO TO THE BATHROOM...or at LEAST go OUTSIDE!!!  Sherri was cleanin off some of the tables and I TRIED to warn her...but she stepped RIGHT in it!  GROSS!!!  Poor Baby Girl had to CLEAN it!  But I had to SMELL it!!!  Bllahhhhhhhh!  It was really crowded!  Everyone seemed to have a good time...(cept for the pukie guy) and there wasn't any trouble that I was aware of.  So all in all it was a good night!  I just wish I hadn't felt like dog crap!  Tonight hopefully I'll feel better!  But if the way I feel right now is any indication...I WON"T!  Well...that's all I have to report on for now!  See?  When I write on a regular basis...my blog is quite BORING!!!  LOL!  I'll write more later in the week!  But until then....SHUT UP AND SING!!!!

I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!

HAPPINESS IS....

Happiness is...when yer almost 16 year old son calls after school to ask if he can go to the skate park with all his friends standin around and after you tell him he can and say goodbye...he GLEEFULLY says thanks...I LOVE YOU!!!!  = } = }  If you could see the big grin I have on my face right now!!!  And for those of you who DON'T have kids (teenagers imparticularly) at this age...they just want to be LEFT ALONE!  They stay in their rooms, talk to NOONE but their girlfriend and friends!  Walk around mopey cuz their hormones are RAGIN...but GOD FORBID they should touch YOU or TALK to you!  So as a parent of a "typical" teenage boy...I think I've done my job!!!  He's SUCH a sweet kid that he's not ashamed to tell me he loves me in front of his friends!  I wonder if his FRIENDS tell THEIR parents they love them in front of their friends!  But believe me...if yer kid won't...that DOESN'T mean you didn't do YER job!  I think I have another kid that's gonna be the kind that WON'T tell me that!  He ALREADY seems to be goin through a weird kinda phase...so I just have to keep workin on him!  Hopefully between me AND his dad...he'll be okay!  Okay...I have a feelin this is gonna be another LONG post....but keep readin cuz at the end I'm puttin somethin that I want you ALL to read...

So it's Wednesday today...last night I went to my first counseling session!  It went alright.  Of course didn't git really too much into anything...just kinda got to know eachother a little.  And believe it or not...Paul didn't even come with BELLS on!!!  He said he didn't want to be kicked in the bells like I said I would do!!!  LMAO!!!  So after the session...he came in to say goodnight to the boys.  He told me Angel Face wanted to see me.  I went in his room and he was in bed cryin sayin he wanted his daddy to stay cuz he missed him!  I crawled in bed with him and sang to him for awhile until he stopped cryin.  I explained to him that daddy comes over all the time and it's not gonna matter right now if he leaves cuz he's goin to sleep anyway and even if daddy lived here he'd be gone to work before he got up anyway.  That seemed to settle him (for the time being)!  It was so cute though...I sang "hush little baby don't you cry","skidda marinka dinka dink", and "You are my sunshine"...I thought he was asleep and as I was walkin out of his room he started singin HIS song..."Angel Face"  It's actually an old song called "Baby Face" but for HIM I replaced Baby for ANGEL cuz that's what I call him (for those of you who just joined in and didn't KNOW that information already)!  So I layed back down and finished the song for him...kissed his forhead and went upstairs.  He ended up sleepin in MY bed!  LOL!  Paul stuck around after kids went to bed and we watched "Supernatural" together...it was weird sittin and watchin one of our shows together again.  We "bonded"!  <Just throwin arms in air too winded to scream>  LMAO! 

OMG!!!  CHRIS!!!!  NO!!!!!  They couldn't have gotten rid of CHRIS!!!!  Waaaaaaa!!!!  <~~~~that's me cryin like Lucile Ball!!!  How could MORE people voted for freakin ELLIOTT than CHRIS????!!!  WTF???  Okay...just cuz I didn't vote don't mean the REST of the world shouldn't be callin in man!!!  Now there goes the OTHER eye candy!!!  (Oh....I'm talkin about IDOL for those of you not tuned in to the REAL world!!!) First Ace...now Chris!  Elliott should have been outta there even before Mandiza!  SHE shouldn't have gone as soon as she was!  Now we'll just have to watch Kristi's big ASS bounce all over the stage!  So I'm thinkin that dumbass Elliott's gonna win!  Chuck was tellin me that HE thinks it's rigged and that the chick's gonna win cuz the females seem to be doin better than the guys that have won the show.  That may be TRUE...but if it's RIGGED it's gonna be because PAULA had somethin to do with it!  I mean how many times did she just like FREAK out over Elliott?  Cryin and bein all emotional.  And I'm just like WTF???!!!  Elliott has NEVER impressed me EVER until last night!  I actually said WOW over his first performance!  But just because he WOW'D me ONE freakin time doesn't mean he should deserve to win!!!  Like I said...he shoulda been outta there a LONG time ago!  Oh man....did you see Chris' face though?!  He was PISSED!!!!  I've seen people be sad and cry and be surprised...but Chris looked just freakin PISSED OFF!!!  You know how at the end of the show they always play back scenes of the person that lost and they show the person watchin themselves in the bottom corner of the screen?  Well usually that person is cryin, or laughin at different scenes bein showed...but not Chris!  He didn't crack not ONE smile...he just looked PISSED!!!!  Then when he sang his last song...he sang "suspicious minds" and when he sang the part "why can't you see...what yer doin to me"  he came right up to the camera and pointed at all of us!!!  I'm tellin ya...I wouldn't wanna be on HIS bad side!!!  LOL!!!  Chuck made a good point...he thinks Chris is gonna go on to be the front man for an already successful band like Creed (not that they're lookin for a front man) but just as an example.  I think Chuck's prolly right.  He'll be successful!  So don't worry Chris!  And OMG...did ya'll see Desperate Housewives?!!  I just LOVE tha hell outta that show!!!  It's SO full of surprises!  I mean...it has it's OBVIOUS things that happen...like the whole postman scene...as soon as the daughter walked in and she didn't run downstairs to talk to her...I KNEW the daughter was gonna go through that mail and put that letter back into the mailmans bag!  But the THREE surprises for ME was I didn't expect Bree to just dump her son off in the middle of nowhere...I didn't expect Eddie to burn down that house...and the BIGGEST surprise was the cheatin husband!  OMG!!!  THAT threw me for a loop!  I would have NEVER expected THAT from HIM cuz he's always kinda been the weesly kinda guy!  But it'll prolly come out that there's an explanation or somethin...like a long lost mother or somethin!  I HOPE!!!  I HATE that they've made everyone's husband a liein, cheatin, BASTARD!!!  HE was the NICE one!  But Bree's husband seemed that way too!  So we'll see.  Well...I KNOW there was more things that I wanted to tell ya'll, but I'm tired and I'm TRYIN to git my days and nights back in order, so I'm gonna try to go to bed early (even though it's 1am now...that's early for ME) so I can git up with the kids and STAY up and enjoy an ENTIRE day!  Woohoo wouldn't THAT be somethin!!!  So I'm gonna wirte the thing that I told ya about at the beginnin of this post and then go to beddiebye!  I recieved this email a couple of days ago...(a CHAIN email actually) I HATE those things!  And YES I did send it out like it says to do...LOL...but I thought it was SO nice that I wanted the people that might not have gotten it to see...I'm NOT puttin in chainletter style so yer under NO obligation to send it to a certain amount of people or yer life will be RUINED!!!  LOL!!! 

THIS GOES OUT TO ALL OF MY FRIENDS (WHETHER I KNOW YOU OR NOT)

1.  I LOVE YOU NOT BECAUSE OF WHO YOU ARE, BUT BECAUSE OF WHO I AM WHEN I'M WITH  YOU   2.  NO MAN OR WOMAN IS WORTH YOUR TEARS AND THE ONE WHO IS, WON'T MAKE YOU CRY!         3.  JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE DOESN'T LOVE YOU THE WAY YOU WANT THEM TO, DOESN'T MEAN THEY DON'T LOVE YOU WITH ALL THE HAVE!                                                                                   4.  A TRUE FRIEND IS SOMEONE WHO REACHES FOR YOUR HAND AND TOUCHES YOUR HEART.           5.  THE WORST WAY TO MISS SOMEONE IS TO BE SITTING RIGHT BESIDE THEM KNOWING YOU CAN'T HAVE THEM                                                                                                                          6.  NEVER FROWN, EVEN WHEN YOU'RE SAD, BECAUSE YOU NEVER KNOW WHO IS FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOUR SMILE                                                                                                                          7.  TO THE WORLD YOU MAY BE ONE PERSON, BUT TO ONE PERSON YOU MAY BE THE WORLD!!!!!!!   8.  DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME ON SOMEONE WHO ISN'T WILLING TO WASTE THEIR TIME ON YOU!       9.  MAYBE GOD WANTS US TO MEET A FEW WRONG PEOPLE BEFORE MEETING THE RIGHT ONE, SO THAT WHEN WE FINALLY MEET THE PERSON, WE WILL KNOW HOW TO BE GRATEFUL.                      10. DON'T CRY BECAUSE IT IS OVER, SMILE BECAUSE IT HAPPENED.                                                  11. THERE'S ALWAYS GOING TO BE PEOPLE THAT HURT YOU SO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO IS KEEP ON TRUSTING AND JUST BE MORE CAREFUL ABOUT WHO YOU TRUST NEXT TIME AROUND.                      12. MAKE YOURSELF A BETTER PERSON AND KNOW WHO YOU ARE BEFORE YOU TRY AND KNOW SOMEONE ELSE AND EXPECT THEM TO KNOW YOU.                                                                          13. DON'T TRY HARD, THE BEST THINGS COME WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT THEM TO!!!                      14. REMEMBER:  WHATEVER HAPPENS, HAPPENS FOR A REASON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!                               

See?  Wasn't that INSPIRING!!!  Now if you don't send this to 200 people...yer goin to spontaneously combust!!!  bahahaha....J/K!!!  Okay..that's it for ME boys and girls...I'll try to remember the rest of what I wanted to tell ya and write tomorrow...but until then....sweet dreams!!!

I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!

THE PERFECT TUNA SANDWICH!!!

Okay, so I have been cravin a GOOD tuna sandwich...go in...prepare the tuna just the way I like..mouth waterin...git myself a wild cherry pepsi (with a straw)...sit down take a bite of my sandwich and realize that the WHOLE GRAIN WHEAT BREAD was a little too overbearing!  I couldn't even TASTE the tuna!  So I took the top piece of bread off and folded the sandwich in half.  So now since I have added even MORE tuna onto the sandwich WOW!!!  I can REALLY taste the tuna!  So I go back in the kitchen...take off a little of the tuna...NOW my sandwich is PERFECT!!!  I go to sit on the bed (because there's no room on the couch because the kids have all their CRAP piled up on the couch)...take a bite of my PERFECT sandwich...notice that the WHOLE GRAIN WHEAT BREAD ain't as FRESH as I'd like it...(the PERFECT piece of bread for ME is WHITE bread...so soft that you have to SUCK it off the roof of yer mouth when you bite into it!!!  YUM!!!)So I DEAL with the not so FRESH WHOLE WHEAT GRAIN bread...about four bites into it...it REALLY seemed to be even MORE not so fresh!So I ponder the situation and start lookin closely at my PERFECTLY FOLDED IN HALF TUNA SANDWICH...and to my DISMAY realize that my PERFECTLY FOLDED IN HALF TUNA SANDWICH has a PERFECT line of MOLD growing PERFECTLY down the NOT SO FRESH CRUST of my WHOLE GRAIN WHEAT BREAD!!!  AHHHHHH!!!  So at THIS point I'm feelin a little QUEEZY as I throw my PERFECTLY FOLDED IN HALF NOT SO FRESH TUNA SANDWICH ON WHOLE GRAIN BREAD in the GARBAGE!!! = {  But the CRAVING hasn't completely subsided yet...so I MUSN"T GIVE UP!!!  I search the kitchen in the 10 bags of bread that are EVERYWHERE (most sitting wide open because the kids go in, make themselves a PB&J and don't know how to close the bread bags!!!!)  But to my DISMAY...EVERY loaf of bread is MOLDED!!!  AHHHHHHHH!!!  >= {    <~~~That's my MAD face!  Turn yer head sideways to yer left and you'll see it!  LOL!  ANYWAY...So I also know Tuna goes good on CRACKERS!!!  AHhhhhh  YES!!  But I already KNOW that the crackers are a little STALE because the bag thingy ripped open and I wasn't smart enough to put them in a zip lock baggie...NOPE...just thought that puttin them back in their little cardboard BOX would keep them all NICE and FRESH!!! For those of YOU who have the same THOUGHT process as ME....Cardboard boxes DO NOT keep the air OUT!!!  That's my public service announcement for the day!  Okay...BACK to the dang TUNA...So NOW I've decided that I DON'T want to sit on the bed anymore so I clear a spot on the couch so I can sit and watch "Ellen" and eat my Tuna and stale cracker lunch...by THIS time it's been oh....30 minutes since the beginning of this whole tuna fiasco!  So I eat like 4 of these tuna on stale crackers and now my stomach tells me...THAT'S IT!!!  So I spend the next 20 minutes of my life (time that I'll NEVER git back mind you) sittin on the dang TOILET!!!  So how was YER mornin?!!!  GOT TUNA???!!!  Baahhahaahahaha!!! 

Okay...so I KNOW I haven't written in a week...BELIEVE me...I've heard the COMPLAINTS!!!  My life is SO fabulous that people BITCH when they can't read about my EXCITING life on a day to day basis!  DANG!!!  And I thought sittin around watchin the grass grow, doin laundry and dishes all day was HELLA BORING!!!  Boy you people really ARE deprived!!!  LOL!!!  I'm J/K...I LOVE that you guys need MY drama!!!  That means that YER lives are SO good that you don't have yer OWN drama to deal with!  And THAT'S a GOOD thing!!!  And lemme TELL ya...the TUNA fiasco was TOTAL DRAMA!!!  I laughed...I cried...I pooped!  It's all good!  Yea...I'm in one of THOSE moods today.  So okay...here's the rundown on what all happened LAST WEEK....Monday...I called and made my appointment for my ultrasound, got it set up for Friday.  Called the doctors office (FINALLY) and got the results of all those "tests" that I had done over a MONTH ago!!!  They said everything came out NEGATIVE!!!  But I told them that there was SOMETHIN wrong because I KNOW my body and I'm thinkin I'm feelin like a "not so fresh, molded piece of WHITE bread"!!!  Or maybe I'm makin my OWN bread...(all you women out there KNOW zactly what I'm sayin!)...so they told me to come in on Thursday and check me again! Okay...I'm NOT throwin my hands in the air and screemin Weeeee at THIS point!  So at least I'm happy I don't have HIV or HERPES like someone ELSE I know!!!  So I DID throw my hands up and scream WEEEEEEE!!!for THAT!!!  So Monday was CAPRI"S BIRTHDAY!!!  HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAPRI!!!!  And Kitty was havin her Birthday dinner at her house...so me and the kids went over there and had this GREAT red velvet cake....uhhh...pieces!  Apparantly when Kitty tried to flip the cake outta tha pan....she MISSED the pan(partially)...most of the cake fell on the floor but the cake that made it in the pan was...should I say...not a perfect piece!  More like perfect BITE SIZE pieces!  So we just took the frostin and DIPPED our pieces of GREAT red velvet cake into it!  I've never had red velvet cake before!!!  WOW!!!  I can honestly say...that was prolly the most MOIST cake I've EVER had!!!  KOODOS KITTY!!!  But what came OUT afterwards WASN'T so....well...YEA...THAT was MOIST as well...OH GAWD!!!  Did I just THINK THAT OUT LOUD??   Hey...I've lost another 5 pounds!!!  GEE I WONDER WHY!!!  LMAO!!!  Ohhhhh...I just SIT and think of ways to DECORATE MY BATHROOM!!!!  Bahahahahaha!  I'm callin it "THE OFFICE" now!!!  SOTSMAO!!!  <~~~Who KNOWS me well ENOUGH to know what THIS means?  Let's have a contest...the FIRST one to figure it out wins...oh...I don't know...a big swift kick in tha CAN!!!  C'MON people...that's ALL I GOT!!!  I DO have a CAN!!!  Okay...BACK to my week....OMG!!!  I'm SO broke I can't even PAY ATTENTION and STICK TO MY STORY!!!  Do I REALLY TALK like this?  Just RAMBLE?  Okay...ANYONE who comments on THAT....WILL git a SWIFT KICK IN THA CAN!!!  LOL!  So.........AFTER dinner...I had to go to work!!!  YEP on a MONDAY NIGHT....Cuz not only was it CAPRIS Birthday....but it was also GALE'S Birthday!!!  HAPPY BIRTHDAY GALE!!!!  And she hired me to do Karaoke for her!  So THANK YOU Gale!!!  I SURE needed the extra dinero!  We had a good time!  Capri came and celebrated a little as well!  Thanks Capri for gittin my kids off to school after they stayed the night at yer house and makin them lunches!  I hope BOTH yer BIRTHDAYS were HAPPY!!!  So Tuesday I didn't really do much...I slept in since I worked til 4:00 am...then me and Kitty went to Sams Club.  I came home and cleaned for the rest of the day!  Woohoo!!!  I talked to Paul for a long time on the phone!  I think that was the MOST we've talked in MONTHS!!!  We talked...we yelled...I screamed a little(NO...not WEEEE!!!)...I cried...and we talked some more!  And even though there was a little yellin and stuff...it's not like we were FIGHTIN...I was just showin EMOTION!!!  See...THAT'S what GUYS don't understand...they think that if you yell and/or scream that yer fightin!  But alot of times we're NOT tryin to FIGHT...we're just bein EMOTIONAL!  There's a BIG difference!  We're not TRYIN to be BITCHY...we just HAVE to git out all the EMOTIONS that we're feelin...and alot of times it's through yellin, cryin, screamin...(YES! Even screamin WEEEE!!)So...to the two guys that actually READ my blog....TAKE NOTES DAMMIT!!!  So anyway....we've decided to go to counseling!!!  YES I SAID IT!!!  COUNSELING!!!  He STILL wants to proceed with the divorce...(I guess he LIKES givin Lawyers money)...but he's willin to SEE what we can work out through counseling!  I think we should put the divorce on "Hold" so we can CONCENTRATE on OTHER things...(and not have to keep payin the dang Lawyers)...but HE'S the only one who can do that since HE filed!  So...whatever....I just go with tha flow!  He said he'd go to counseling with BELLS on!  I SWEAR TO GAWD if he is wearin ANY kinda dang bell...I'm kickin him right in tha...BELLS!!!! Bahahahahaaha!!!!  That's some kinda silly crap that he'd do too!!!  He CAN be quite funny at times!  ESPECIALLY when he's not drunk!  So we'll see where THIS phase of life takes us!  I called Rachie and told her that he said he would go to counseling and some of the things he had said...and SHE started BLUBBERIN!!!  She said...GAWD I'm SUCH a PUSS!!!  Well yer NOT a PUSS...cuz I was blubberin TOO!!!  That just shows that you CARE about me AND him!!!  I KNOW that my friends don't like to see me hurt...and specially RACHIE cuz SHE'S been with me for 14 YEARS!  She LOVES Paul TOO...she just don't LIKE him too much!  Specially when he hurts me! And I KNOW that she wants what's BEST for ME and if it's NOT bein with HIM...then she supports that and ENCOURAGES that...but if workin it out is gonna make him be the man that he USE to be (the one that we BOTH love)then she encourages THAT too!  She's known him for almost as long as I have!  She's invested emotions and care into him as well.  And I think SHE feels JUST as betrayed by the things he does and says JUST as much as I do!  It's an emotional rollercoaster for HER just as it is for ME!  Did I hit the nail on tha head Rach?  And I know that ALL my FRIENDS support AND encourage me too!!  Thank YOU ALL!!!  So anyway...I cried myself to sleep that night cuz I felt SO many emotions!  It was a rough night!  Wednesday....I cleaned some more...(dang...this cleanin thing is REALLY gittin monotinous!!!)My landlords came over to do some "inspecting" they want to make sure the house is clean so they can have STRANGERS come over and walk through so they can rent the house when I leave!  I HATE that!!!  So far...noone's come by...but it's just a matter of time I think!  GAWD I HATE THAT!!!!  I don't WANT to move!!!  I really LOVE this house!!!  Not so much the HOUSE...but the LOCATION is PERFECT!!!  I remember the feelings I had when we first moved in here.  It was a sense of SADNESS because we lost the house we OWNED for 10 years....but a sense of RELIEF and HAPPINESS to be OUT of that house we OWNEd for 10 years!!!  That house had sucked us DRY!  But it was OURS!!!  Don't know what ya got til it's GONE!  What a PERFECT song!  So by the first of July I have to be OUT!!!  I looked through the paper this week and there was NOTHIN!  I'm gonna call that lady about that little house across from the park that I had looked at and see if she'll do somethin for me!  The kids REALLY like that house!  I personally think it's a little SMALL...but I have to realize I'm NOT gonna be able to afford a dang MANTION! <~~~I think I spelled that wrong!  I'm gonna be THANKFUL for ANY place I git as long as my kids are with me and we're all HEALTHY!  Speakin of HEALTH...Cody (my middle son) was runnin a 101 fever Wednesday and stayed home from school Wed and Thursday!  And wouldn't ya KNOW...I got sick!!!  I've been pretty lucky through this past winter...Paul (who almost never gits sick) was sick MORE this winter than I think I've ever seen him...and the kids got sick alot too...but I didn't really git ANY of it!  Not like I have in the PAST winters where I'd be sick in BED for DAYS!!!  I felt pretty good all winter!  Well it started Thursday...I stayed in bed MOST of the day Friday and slept....I went in a little late to work cuz I wasn't sure if I was gonna even GO to work!  But I sucked it up!!!!  YEP!  I'm a TROOPER!!!  The show MUST go on!!!  I felt like CRAP until about 1 am...then started feelin a little better...but as soon as everything was turned off and I was sittin there waitin to git paid...it hit me AGAIN!!!  I stayed up for a while after I got home but took some Nyquil and passed out!  I KNEW I had to sleep cuz Capri had hired me to do HER Birthday party Saturday afternoon!!!  So I woke up after sleepin for I think 3 hours and checked my messages...this message said...hi it's me....I know you were sick last night so don't worry about comin over cuz I made OTHER arrangements!!!  (Throwin hands in air screamin WEEEE...as I take MORE Nyquil!!!!)  Paul came by to git Matts bike..I was layin COMATOSE on the couch!!!  RIGHT after HE left....here comes KITTY!!!!  She says I'm here to git ya for Capris PARTY!!!  NO!!!  I said...she called and left me this message!!!  Then Kitty INFORMS me that that was the message SHE left me the day before about babysittin!  (I had  stumbled outta bed Friday mornin to babysit only to git there and find out that she had made other arrangements...that's what I git for NOT checkin my dang messages huh???)  But in my "Nyquil state of mind" I thought the message was from CAPRI!!!  Ahhhhh!!! Okay...so now I've taken a handfull of Nyquil...NOW what am I gonna do???  It takes me like 20 minutes to roll off the couch and git dressed.  But I SUCK IT UP!!!  I'm a TROOPER!!!  The show MUST go on!!!!  I meet Jason and HE loaded my equipment THANKS JAS!!!  Went to Capris and PERFORMED!!!  NOT WELL MIND YOU!!!  I DID start feelin better AFTER the Nyquil wore off and the medication I took for my aching BACK kicked in!!!  But after it started coolin off outside I started feelin BAD again!  So Chuck and Capris friend loaded my equipment THANKS GUYS!!! Chuck BROKE a TOE doin that for me!  I"M SO SORRY CHUCKIE!!!!  How's that toe???  Capris friend unloaded it for me back at Trickys!  THANKS!!!  SORRY I can't remember yer name!!!  I'm BAD with names!  So I went home and slept (Overslept) and went to work...STILL SICK!!!  But I SUCK IT UP!! I'm a TROOPER!!!  The show MUST go on!!!  I start feelin better around 11pm...it was a slow night...but not as bad as it HAS been....so I could just SIT for a while!  I got home around 6 (I stayed and talked to Big Daddy about some things) I woke up around 9 am!  Didn't feel REAL bad...just RUN DOWN.  So I kept TRYIN to git up cuz it was SUCH a BEAUTIFUL day Sunday!  I REALLY wanted to go git the garage packed up...and do some yard work...I kept TRYIN...but everytime I sat up...I got dizzy and my eyeballs felt like they were gonna pop outta my dang head!!!  Now THIS is Allergies!!!  So I'm gittin over bein SICK and WORKIN extra hours...NOW my dang ALLERGIES are gonna kick in??!!!  Are you KIDDIN me!!!???  Ahhhhhh!!!  I DID finally manage to pull myself up and do a LITTLE stuff around tha house (not much though...and since I hadn't been online in a week...I had 73 emails!!!)  So I spent like 3 hours readin email!!!  So NOW...this brings us to the PRESENT day...MONDAY...I've sat here for like 2 hours typin this NOVEL tryin to catch you all up to speed about my SO CALLED WONDERFUL LIFE...(that was a good show)...LOL....I've got some errands to run and housework to do...the phone's rang about 10 times but I can't FIND tha dang thing cuz the kids have PITTED the house!  NOW my butt hurts from sittin in this chair so long!!  But I FEEL pretty good!  THAT'S what's important huh?!!!  LOL!  I have to call and reschedule my doctors appointment...I just felt TOO shitty to go in and have some doctor probin my innards!  Sorry...just WASN'T gonna happen!  I rescheduled my ultrasound when I canceled my FIRST appointment...once again...just TOO sick!  So I go in for THAT this Thursday.  I sure hope everything turns out okay.  I think I'll wait to make my Dr. appointment so they can tell me what the ultrasound showed while I'm IN the office...instead of waitin for the jerks for a MONTH to call ME!!!  Kill TWO birds with ONE stone!  That's SUCH a MEAN sayin!  So it's another BEAUTIFUL day!  I've been sittin here listenin to the laughter of the kids from the school all day!  I LOVE that sound!  I'm gonna MISS that!  The birds are singin!  I hear BABIES!!!  And we all know what THAT means!!!  Where there's baby birds...there's always gonna be at least ONE that falls outta the nest and who do ya think CARES for that baby!!!???  ME!!!  My success rate on takin in baby birds that don't even have their eyes open yet is ZERO!!!!  YEP!!!  I don't know WHAT I'm doin wrong!!!  I go out (in my pajamas) at 4 in tha mornin and dig up worms...bring them in...spit in a bowl...and smash the worms up in my spit (cuz ya know spit helps ya digest yer food)!  Then I scoop up the smashed worms in my fingernail and put it down the babies throat!  A couple of summers ago I had TWO babies that I was carin for....neither of them had their eyes open when I found them...I nurtured them to the point where they could actually FLY....I conditioned them to fly to me when I whistled cuz they KNEW I was MOMMA and they were gonna git FED!!!  It was GREAT!!!!  But somethin happend!  I think I kept them on formula too long (yes...there's a baby formula you can buy for birds!)  That's the ONLY thing I can think that happend!  They weren't gittin enough nutrition or somethin!  They BOTH died!  I cried for DAYS!!!  I LOVED those little sparrows!!!  Then LAST summer the kids brought me this BIG baby!  I'm pretty sure it was a crow!  It didn't have feathers but it's eyes were already opened!  I did the SAME ritual as before...dug worms...but this bird was big enough to eat them whole!  So one night I had to go to work...I seriously considered takin the bird with me cuz he needed to be fed every hour or so...but I decided NOT to...when I came home I didn't hear him...I looked in the box and he was DEAD!!!  Apparantly he kept chirpin his head off and the kids didn't know what to do...so I think Paul told them to just shut the box and he'd be okay til I got home...I think he dehydrated AND suffocated!!! <sniff sniff>  Once again...I cried for DAYS!!!  If only I had taken him WITH me...I could have went out in the front of my work and dug worms for him while people were up singin!!!  So with it bein spring...and I hear babies...I'll do the same ritual as before (if I find any) and HOPE and PRAY that I can keep them alive!  My heart's in the right place anyway!  Cody built this real cool birdhouse in scouts and it's just sittin on the ground on the back porch..I didn't think the birds would be interested since it's sittin on the GROUND!!!  But two little sparrows have made it their home!!!  I just hope they wein their babies BEFORE we have to move!  Otherwise I'll be carin for the WHOLE nest!  But I don't mind...I'd rather not HAVE to...but it's kinda like havin a new baby in tha house!  I'm SUCH a SAP!!!  Okay...NOW the kids are home and I'm SURE this has taken you DAYS to read!!!  So I have to go now mainly cuz I have NO feelin left in my butt!  and I think I'm outta things to say FINALLY!!!  I'm gonna go take a shower cuz I'm smelly...and run my errands...clean the living room and kitchen...throw some clothes in the wash...and then spend the REST of this BEAUTIFUL day out in tha garage!!!  WEEEEEE!!!  That don't count cuz my hands weren't in the air!!  Or my LEGS for that matter!!!  Bahahahaha!!!  INSIDE JOKE!!!!  Just MOVE on!!!  Okay...Ya'll take care and have a WONDERFUL week...I'll TRY to write on a daily basis so there's not SO much to read at one time!  Sorry!!!  I should start writin NOVELS!!!  LOL!  ENJOY LIFE...CUZ YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN YER NUMBER"S UP!!!!

I LOVE YOU ALL!!!! <arms in tha air screamin....WWEEEEEEEEEEE!!!>

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIKEY AND GALE!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MIKEY!!!  We celebrated Mikey AND Gales Birthdays last night!  It was quite fun I must say! Well I had fun anyway.  Mikey didn't look like he was havin tha BEST time in the world.  He would have MUCH rather been at a strip club! Can't say that I really BLAME him!  But he said that costs money and THAT'S somethin he don't have at the moment!  I tried to git Baby Girl to show him her boobies...but she wasn't drunk so she wasn't havin ANY part of THAT!!!  Sorry Mikey! So Mikey got ho ho's with candles in them (cuz every man likes a good HO for their Birthday) and Gale got ding dongs (Cuz every woman likes a good DONG for HER Birthday!!!)  Well...unless yer Amanda...she prefers the HO'S!  J/K!!  Tee hee!  It was pretty slow for the first part of the night though!  Where the HECK is everyone???!!!  I KNOW....Kitty wasn't there so ya'll didn't show up!  Well she's gonna be there TONIGHT so I expect EVERYONE to come out EARLY!!!  But boy did it git busy after 2 a.m.!!!  Holy CRAP!!!  There were some CRAZIES out last night!  But it was still FUN!!!  Gosh I've got the worlds WORST headache today!  These alergies are REALLY kickin my behind this year!  I'm really feelin run down today!  I slept pretty good but my back and neck hurt real bad along with the headache.  (I didn't even headbang at all last night!!)  So I don't know WHAT tha problem is!  I just don't like feelin this crappy!  It's a pretty day outside too!  I hope it's just my alergies and I'm not comin down with somethin!  I haven't been sick for a long time...I'm tryin to KEEP it that way!  So I'm gonna sign off for now...I'm gonna go take an alergy pill and go lay back down!  Hopefully I'll feel better by tonight!  Take care ya'll and I'll talk to ya soon!

I LOVE YOU ALL!!!

P.S.  Oh yea...I heard tha "WHORE" came to Trickys the other night!  Guess she figures it's been long enough now so she can show her ugly ass face back up there again!  Well all I have to say is...IT HASN"T BEEN LONG ENOUGH FOR ME BITCH...SO WHEN I"M THERE STAY THE FUCK AWAY!!!!  And that's ALL I have to say bout THAT!!!!